Apheresis 6

A mixed bag. Arrived on time, went straight to the hookup, full of optimism. Started the left arm needle, couldn't get a connection. Started to do the clammy-palms-raining-sweat pre-faint shtick and got tense which adds to the problem...apparently tension makes the veins smaller. And the nurses are stressing: they murmur (they're all dear women) "is it this way?...I think it splits here...no, I'm in it, but we're not gettin'...if we go deeper...yeah but I don't want to go through the bottom.....this one's gonna blowout, too.....Do you want a wet rag, darlin'?" Yeah, thanks. After a couple minutes of futility, out came the needle. Took a dopey pill. After fifteen more minutes, try again, breathe through your nose....slowly.....this time ok. What a baby. It never changes. My wife stroked my forehead...she is so beautiful. What a consolation at a time like this. The right elbow needle just slides in, never a problem.

Latest news is there were only 3.5 (million) babycells taken on Monday. The nurses had estimated a count based on yesterday's blood volume in the apheresis room, predicting a full haul of 5.0. But no biggie, we'll make it up on day 2, today. But today we got a late start due to the trouble with the left arm and then 15 minutes for the sillypill to work. So by the time the courier showed up a couple of hours later to escort yesterday's 3.5, plus today's makeup, we hadn't processed enough blood to be sure on the basis of bulk, and of course no time for an accurate count either. Yeah, but I feel fine, why not run some more? Dogs bark, but the caravan travels on: the courier took what had been 'fuged out thus far.

So we're back home...not sure how this will work out for the recipient. Maybe enough to do the job, maybe not. However I'd expected to feel right now, this isn't it.

Regardless, my part's done. I guess I got my drama.

Apheresis 5

I had imagined I'd blog during the Apheresis process, what a naif. They started with the needles so fast I didn't have a chance. First were the usual two shouts of Filgrastim. Next a stick for another round of bloodtests.

The the main event: laid on an upgraded blood-donor bed...nice pillow. Got a needle in the right elbow to send blood to the apheresis centrifuge; then another in the same arm to return blood sans stemcells back to the body. Both hurt about like a blood donation...no biggie. But then the second point started to hurt real bad andgotwayworseinahurry;eye-bugging, off-the-map pain; I was about to grit my teeth through the top of my skull. Apparently that vein had "burst", and wouldn't work. Someone asked if I was feeling pain: Hell yeah, I'm 'feeling' pain, but so what? The process has to continue regardless. But they shut that vein down and found a vein in my left forearm...after a couple minutes it started blowing out & hurting like hell. So then they used a vein in my left elbow. Thank ya, Jesus. For the next 4 hours it was essentially just like giving blood from two arms, very manageable. I was getting a relaxant in the return line so was pleasantly dopey. It's after 9pm now & I'm still on the 'relaxed' side. I'm correcting this post at a 1 typo per word rate.

As it turns out I have to donate for another couple of hours tomorrow before going home. Since we were going to be here another day, I asked our shuttlebus driver about places to see within walking distance of the hotel. Based on his input, we spent about 90 minutes strolling through Old Salem (settled by Moravians), with houses dating back to before the revolution, and the adjacent Salem College. All beautiful, and recommended.

Ikon Writer

Recently I saw the above ikon ('scuze me, I like the k, it looks more Greek) at the local Catholic high school (http://www.sjcatholicschool.org/). I'm not used to seeing ikons with English on them; plus, it's a Western (Roman) Catholic school, and who are those guys impersonating the Trinity? Who painted (wrote) it? The school Chaplain (http://gkupsidedown.blogspot.com/) told me it was someone I already knew, a member of our parish, married to one of my brother Knights (of Columbus). Wow, who knew we had an ikon painter (writer!) in our parish? How cool is that?

So last month on her Facebook a reference to an ikon seminar led to a series of posts, not about ikons per se, but ikon-writing, i.e., from the writer's standpoint, not the viewer's. I liked the content, and what follows is an edited version of Q&A that ran over a week or so:

Why are those three people in the ikon the Trinity?

"Icon of the Holy Trinity, Andrei Rublev, prototype. (Sometimes called Old Testament Trinity) This is based on the Biblical account of the hospitality of Abraham from Gen. 18. Since the beginning of the Church, this passage has been interpreted as a theophany of the Holy Trinity. In the passage the three "men" (three separate and unique persons) act as one, in perfect relationship with each other and united in one perfect will and
voice. Rublev greatly simplified the prototypes before him, focusing on the persons of the Trinity rather that the action of the event itself. Those icons that focus on the event itself are usually titled, "The Hospitality of Abraham," and often contain both Abraham and Sarah, sometimes a servant, and other details of the event itself like serving bowls."

Can you comment on icon-writing, not in general terms, but personally?

"Icon writing is a contemplative process in and of itself, but I also join it to Carmelite spirituality: Praying the Offices, Lectio, Sacraments, trying to be aware of God in all I do. Specific to iconography, I pray the "iconographer's prayer" before I start; bless my work and myself with the sign of the cross; during the process of writing the icon I try to stay focused on those who need my prayers, esp. the individual for whom the icon is intended; pray to God to guide me in the decisions related to the icon, re: colors, design, etc.; and last but not least, I try to connect with the subject itself."

How do you make this connection?

"I learn as much as possible about the saint or subject if I am not familiar with them, meditate upon the subject and his/her life and how it applies to my life. I pray through the icon while writing it. All this is done during the day, in silence or with appropriate sacred music or religious programming, in solitude (very Carmelite). In addition, because I deal with so much physical pain, I try to join that to my work and offer all to God. Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity once described herself as a "Praise of Glory." I hope God sees what I do and who I am as a "Praise of Beauty," referring to God as the One who is Perfect Beauty and Truth."

Speaking of Beauty, how do icons differ from stained glass images and statues?

"There is more of a theological difference in Orthodox thought than in Catholic, in my opinion. In Catholicism, the distinctions are a little more blurred due to the influence of various art movements to express faith and belief. So let me address this from a somewhat more Orthodox viewpoint.

"Icons are not decorative art or representational art, although they do utilize symbols and symbolic meaning. An iconographer's task is not to create something new, but to carry on the tradition that has come before, using prototypes that have been passed down from generation to generation. When one looks at an icon, one sees the icon that has come before it, and the one before that, and the one that has come before that and so on, until one sees *through* the icon to the the original individual, or saint, or scene. So as one "looks through" an icon, one is connected to the subject in a real and powerful way as a living entity. It is comparable to the Word of God in Orthodox thought. That is why iconographers are said to *write* icons. They are proclaiming Salvation History, but instead of using words, they use color and line and visual composition.

"In Western art, one doesn't have this kind of developed theology or the canons which guide iconography. That is why, if one looks at a traditional icon in Orthodoxy--no matter the media--it will generally look the same, whether it is written 1000 yrs ago or today.
One is not to impose one's personal interpretation upon the work. In stained glass and sculpture, the individual artist does original, interpretive work. These disciplines certainly may draw from iconography, but are never considered icons themselves."

BTW, Madame Ikonographer and her husband share their conversion story here: http://www.chnetwork.org/newsletters/dec08.pdf

Converts have all the fun.

Apheresis 3 & 4

Two uneventful days: the shots in the morning, a bit more intense lower back pain easily managed with Ibuprofin. Where's the drama, the sensation of bones churning out what the nurses called "babycells"?

Oh well....tomorrow is the big day.

Apheresis 2

Got a couple of shots of Filgastrim. No blood taken. Small of the back aches. Bones in my head hurt. Interesting...not a headache in the typical sense. The nurse came to the house, turns out she was from Houma, La. where I lived as a child. It's my family's hometown on my father's side. The nurse & I attended the same Catholic church and school, St. Francis de Sales, now a co-cathedral, although I think I'm a good 15 years older.

Anticlimatic day.

Apheresis 1

Yesterday my 17-year-old daughter Alexandra gave blood for the first time. I am so proud of her. She got in the car after school, had the bandage on her arm. Made no big deal out of it, just helping out, didn't faint or get nauseated (not nauseous....nauseous means something else), had a great first experience. Good girl. Never toots her own horn. Did I mention Alexandra is my daughter?

Her experience prompts me to comment on something I'm doing along the same lines that's way less common, but useful and interesting: I'm in the last stage of donating blood stem cells to someone who has non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

I don't personally know anyone who has done this (thousands have donated, it's common enough, and isn't heroic like donating a kidney) and don't know much about the how the whole process will turn out; I'm curious and apprehensive.

If you want to know more about non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, check online. For the donating part, this is a good article: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bone-marrow/MY00525

I'm going to blog over the next 5-6 days about the donation process. I figure, if like Alexandra the Daughter, this first experience is a good one, I'll be inclined to do it again; and maybe you, Dear Reader, will consider signing up to be a Potential Stem-Cell Donor as well.

I think it was in 2007 I was at the blood center, and was asked if I'd sign up to be a Potential Bone Marrow Donor. Yeah sure, why not...."potential," right? Nurse swabs my gums for DNA, no needles (always good), and hey, I'll never get called anyway! That's easy.

Then in 2008 I was a potential match. "Mr. Kollwitz, do you remember signing up in 2007?" Ummm, yeah....? "You may be a match for someone, still up to donating?" Ehhh....OK. (S***! What were the chances?!) "Thanks, can you drop by LabCorp for some bloodwork? We'll let you know in a month or so if you're a match." These people on the phone are so cheery! Needle fun!

Off to LabCorp to get stuck. I'm a fainter, but the nurses distracted me, "My sister's having a wedding in Charleston next month, there's a lot of family stuff going on down there I could do without....d'ya think it's ok if I don't go?" "Well, I know what you mean, my sister had to hire a cop to make sure our mom stayed away from her wedding.... I'd advise you to not go, say it's too far." "Yes, but....." "Uh-huh, then maybe..." All done! You can go!

A couple of weeks later: no match! Thank ya, Jesus!

Then a few months ago: new potential match! Back to LabCorp for a needle summit! "Hello, again...no, somebody else this time..."

A week later: I'm a match! Yes but...what about "potential"?

Then I spend a day up in Winston-Salem in August (2.5 hour drive, not bad): paperwork, urine, more needles, physical, chest x-ray, chat with doctors: "Now if the bone pain gets too bad during the 5 days you're getting the Filgrastim injections, call this number and we'll get you some narcotics." What!? Narcotics!? "Relax, most donors don't need 'em; we just want you be comfortable." Oh, thanks...I guess.

The schedule calls for injections of this Filgrastim synthetic protein starting on October 1. Filgrastim stimulates bone marrow into producing loads of blood stem cells which are to be centrifuged out of the blood on October 5 (and the 6th if necessary), then delivered to the anonymous recipient (I don't want to know who or where). Sounds cool doesn't it? Oct 1-4 shots are local. Sunday evening Janet & I (yes, I have to bring someone) go to Winston-Salem, spend the night there, go to the hospital for the last shots Monday a.m., followed later that morning by about 4 hours of apheresis. Apheresis (ἀφαίρεσις) is Greek for 'many needles.' Just kidding, it means 'taking away' (more or less). That's the centrifuge business. See Wiki for apheresis: I'll be doing the Continuous Flow Centrifugation (CFC) version. I understand apheresis has pretty much replaced the old-fashioned routine of slurping a bunch of marrow out of a donor's hip.

So, today is October 1. FedEx delivered a box of chilled Filgrastim yesterday. Took the box today to the local Cancer Center. I got another round of blood tests, and two shots of Filgrastim in the arms... tiny needles, practically painless...great nurses, Carolyn and Christy. No bone ache or incapacitation. I feel a bit thickheaded, jetlaggy, but changed the oil in the car this afternoon with no problem.

That's it for today. I hope to post something each day, especially something during the apheresis Monday. The hospital's wireless, and Janet teaches Art History online, so we need the laptop to be with us regardless.

Liebestod

This is a post about Wagner.

No, not that Wagner, this Wagner:

I like opera (enough to spend time and money on it). I usually listen to the pretty stuff, the accessible stuff: Verdi, Puccini, Bizet's Carmen, Cav & Pag, that lot.

I like classical music (enough to spend time and money on it). I usually listen to the likes of Debussy, Rachmaninov, Tchaiko, R. Strauss, sacred music, 20th century Brits.

I don't spend much time or money on Wagner. I agree with Mark Twain that Wagner's music is better than it sounds: as Twain said, having attended Parsifal, "The first act of the three occupied two hours, and I enjoyed that in spite of the singing." And afterward: "Seven hours at $5 a ticket is almost too much for the money."

And yet after decades of marinating in, reflecting on, being transported, enlightened, educated & ennobled by classical music in general, and opera in particular, I return again and again to eight minutes of Richard Wagner, the final aria of Tristan und Isolde: Der Liebestod. I'm old enough now (or stupid enough) to propose that this eight-minute song is the greatest work of art ever created by a human being. Higher than not just every other piece of music, but all architecture; all literature; all drama; all painting & sculpture. The best. The one.

Please note: I'm not saying Liebestod is the greatest thing man has ever done; it's the greatest work of art.

I tell you now, I will drop dead if anyone would draw this conclusion having listened to Liebestod once. A more likely reaction would be one had endured it, outlasted it, survived it. The music wanders, shapeshifts, restless, weird....unmusical? The voice & orchestra meander around one another. The lyrics, detached. Yet taken as a whole it's also intriguing, beguiling, mysterious, alluring, immense, pointing to something unclear. If music were seen and not heard, St. Paul would say, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood."

Through repeated listenings spread out over decades, Liebestod has become less dim; clearer, but not fully so. As Paul says, full understanding will come.

To give the reader some background, Tristan und Isolde is a tragedy not unlike Romeo & Juliet. In the final Liebestod scene, Isolde mourns over the body of the beloved Tristan, then dies from sorrow. Yeah, yeah, been there, seen that. But Liebestod (love-death) is about much more than Isolde's grief on so many levels at the same time, bears a range of ideas and emotions through mutually-supporting elements of the music, the voice, the plot, the lyrics. The appeal is very, very intellectual; but also powerfully emotional at a primal level. Liebestod grabs onto some ancient, pre-language, pre-culture, time out of mind part of humanity we can't fully understand, the dirt that God breathed life into; and stirs it. From desolate despair to eternal serenity in eight minutes.

And the scale. It veers from the Isolde's miniscule focus on Tristan's eyelids (are they opening? is he alive?) to a vast, horizonless expression of joy, a release from life's grinding, sorrow-wracked struggle, to transcendence. All the passions of love, life, God, death & eternity explode, detonate at a galactic scale, then fade, leaving a gentle residue of God's infinite love. No kidding. I'm still moved to tears, looking at a computer screen.

But don't take my word for it, listen again to the curmudgeon Mark Twain:

This opera of "Tristan and Isolde" last night broke the hearts of all witnesses who were of the faith, and I know of some who have heard of many who could not sleep after it, but cried the night away. I feel strongly out of place here. Sometimes I feel like the sane person in a community of the mad; sometimes I feel like the one blind man where all others see; the one groping savage in the college of the learned, and always, during service, I feel like a heretic in heaven.

But by no means do I ever overlook or minify the fact that this is one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life. I have never seen anything like this before. I have never seen anything so great and fine and real as this devotion.

I know what he means. There's no substitute for repeated exposure to the work.

And I'll quote 1Corinthians again, because Liebestod always reminds me of Paul at his most eloquent:

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away......So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Rather than link to one of the online videos of the actual opera, I offer this performance, depicted on the album cover at the beginning of the post:

YouTube - Karajan - Ultimo Concerto - Wagner Liebestod

It features the conductor Herbert von Karajan in what I understand is his last performance. He chose to spend the final eight minutes of a 60-year career in music conducting Liebestod (von Karajan died about a year later). The heroically beautiful Jessye Norman sings Isolde's death, and von Karajan expresses the winding-down of his own life through Isolde's: eight minutes, two minutes, two seconds....done. I believe this is the greatest artistic moment in human history. All the elements combine: singer, conductor, orchestra, composer, audience, building, culture, to show what human beings can achieve. How Man still cooperates with God to create beauty that must exceed our own limitations, even at the close of a century that endured the Godless scourges of Communism, Nazism, and worse. This is the wonder of the West. The centuries of accumulated knowledge; lifetimes of rigorous training; the sacrifice of time & money; the systematizing of music; the exactitude of the instrument makers; the preposterous invention of a symphony orchestra; building a concert hall; all this tremendously expensive resource-devouring effort, all this, this fabulous waste just to crack open an eight-minute window into the Mind of God. But it is worth it.

But don't watch it yet! Wagner takes getting used to....sometimes a lot of getting used to. You may decide to first watch this more accessible piece:

Here is the Prelude to Das Rheingold. In the opera it expresses the flowing water of the Rhine river. In the video it accompanies the exquisite, wordless opening scene of The New World, directed by the auteur Terence Malick (I will not digress about Malick), possibly to a greater effect than in the opera:

YouTube - The New World - Vorspiel

A last note: I haven't said much about Liebestod's lyrics. They absolutely contribute to the complete experience, but at least to start, there's no way to deal with either the German or the English while also trying to take in the rest of the work. The words are at the bottom of this page:

Richard Wagner - Libretti - Tristan und Isolde

BTW, feel free to post your own choice for the #1 work of art if you have one. It doesn't have to be music.