Sprinklers

                                   (This post is linked to Sunday Snippets & Amazing Catechists)


Continued from the prior post...

So when Moses came down from the mountain with the 12 bananas, 10 Commandments! yes, right, he was so angry with the Israelites' misbehavior that he threw the tablets down and shattered them. Then he lays into Aaron: "What did this people do to you that you have brought a great sin upon them?" And Aaron said, "Let not the anger of my lord burn hot; you know the people, that they are set on evil." That is: it ain't my fault! And of course the people are running wild, out of control. Remind me please, how many sons did Israel have? 12? Yes. And from each son came a tribe; there were 12 tribes. One of Israel's sons was named Levi; his tribe, his descendants, were called Levites. Not Levi's, which are pants. Aaron was a Levite, not a pair of jeans. Well, "Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, "Who is on the LORD's side? Come to me." And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together to him. And he said to them, "Thus says the LORD God of Israel, 'Put every man his sword on his side, and go to and fro from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.'" And the sons of Levi did according to the word of Moses; and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men." Man, that's harsh! But in those days just because God didn't require people to sacrifice their firstborns didn't mean he was a pushover. So the only tribe that was on God's side of this idol-worship were...Levites! Yes. "And Moses said, "Today you have ordained yourselves for the service of the LORD, each one at the cost of his son and of his brother, that he may bestow a blessing upon you this day."

Class, remind me please, who was going to sacrifice Isaac? Abraham. Yes, and who killed the ram instead? Well, wasn't it still Abraham? That's right...just checking. Who sacrificed Abel's lamb? Abel? Yes. And who killed all those lambs at the first Passover? Moses? Wow, Moses ran around all night killing lambs? Oh...it was the fathers or the grandfathers. Yes, an elder or a firstborn son. So being a priest wasn't a special job. If I fix a toilet at home, I'm not called a plumber, it's just something I do as the eldest man in the house. But if I make a mess and water sprays all over the place, my wife will say: "You made such a mess I don't feel good about you fixing leaks anymore...I...want....a....? Plumber! Yes, who I have to pay!

And it was like that for the Israelites after they made such a mess by worshiping an idol. God said, "All you Calf-worshipers can't be trusted to make a proper sacrifice anymore. From now on y'all have to pay the Levite men to do your sacrificing for you." That's why the book of Leviticus is full of blood'n'guts: the Levite elders offered sacrifices for a living. That's the blessing they received from God. While all the other 11 tribes had to work all the time, the Levites had it much easier.

It's too bad they messed up, because Moses had sacrificed some bulls to honor God's covenant with the Israelites just a month or so before they decided to worship the Calf. Exodus says, "And Moses took half of the blood and put it in basins, and half of the blood he splashed against the altar." What a mess! "Then he took the book of the covenant, and read it in the hearing of the people; and they said, "All that the LORD has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient." Like the rest of us, the Israelites were ready to be obedient as long as they were in a good mood.

“And Moses took the blood and sprinkled it upon the people…” [I walk around the class, and sling blood on all the kids while I talk] I suppose he used a hyssop brush like on Passover. So you Israelites are in the desert, and it’s dry, and Moses is going to sprinkle you from a bowl full of hot bull blood…why do you want to be sprinkled with that hot sticky stuff? No guesses? Why did the doorposts in Egypt need blood sprinkled on them? So the firstborns wouldn’t be killed. Yes, the blood marked the houses where a substitute had been sacrificed. So, Moses sprinkles the people to show…that the bulls were substitutes for the people? Yes. And the blood marks the people as part of the covenant, which is not like a contract, but like…a marriage! Yes. Trick question: if someone overslept that day, and didn’t get sprinkled, would they be included in the covenant? No! Right. They had to get the blood on their bodies.

While Moses sprinkles, he says, “Behold the blood of the covenant which the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words." Does this sound like anything in Mass? The priest says that about the wine! Yes, good, he almost says this. The priest actually says what Jesus said at the Last Supper. He quotes Jesus. And who do you think Jesus was quoting when he talked about the blood of a covenant? Moses? Yes genius, and we’ll learn more about this later on.

Speaking of wandering in the desert, remember that wanderers are...nomads, yes,who live in...tents, yes, and so the Israelites made a very deluxe tent for God to live in among his people, the Meeting Tent, which in many ways is like our church. Well, to get things off to a clean start with the Tent, there was a purification event. Tell me, what tribe didn't worship the Golden Calf? C'mon...L-E-V- Levites! Yes, descendants of Isaac's son Levi. And because they behaved, God put them in charge of sacrifices and all the business of the Meeting Tent. And there was one high priest, Moses' brother Aaron. So we have the high priest, the Levites, and the people, who are all sinners. To have a clean start, do they need to take a big bath together? Huh? Do their bodies need cleaning? No, their souls. Yes, cleaned from...sin. Yes, good. Here's how that was done: the LORD said to Moses, "Take the Levites from among the people of Israel, and cleanse them: sprinkle the water of expiation upon them, and let them...wash their clothes and cleanse themselves." Anybody know what expiation means? No? That's OK, 6th graders don't know everything. It means to make up for something, to atone. So their clothes are clean...souls clean too? No. Right. But they're just getting started. "you shall present the Levites before the tent of meeting, and assemble the whole congregation of the people of Israel. When you present the Levites before the LORD, the people of Israel shall lay their hands upon the Levites..." So all the Israelites lay hands on the Levites...why? To bless them? Good guess, but no. Priests can bless the people, fathers bless sons, but not the other way around. Here's the next bit: "Then the Levites shall lay their hands upon the heads of the bulls; and you shall offer the one for a sin offering...to make atonement for the Levites." [Numbers 9] Why are the bulls killed...to atone for...sin! Yes. So the people were trying to get rid of their...sins! Yes! How'd they move their sins away from themselves? Umm, they laid hands on the Levites? Yes, and how'd the Levites move their sins and the people's sins off of themselves? They laid hands on the bulls! Yes, geniuses! Then they killed the sin-full bulls and thus atoned for all those sins.

Remind me about the comedian on TV: is the TV funny? No, the man is funny! Right, the TV is a medium, it transmits invisible stuff so we can laugh at the comedian in the studio. And when Moses hit the rock, the medium was...the stick! Yes, and when Isaac blessed Jacob? His hands! Yes, they transmitted the blessing. And when everyone atoned for their sins at the Meeting Tent, the medium to move the sins to the bulls was...their hands! Yes. And if the people didn't want to touch other people's heads, could they have removed their sins? No! And if the Levites didn't want to touch a smelly bull could they have removed their sins? No! Right. All that physical stuff matters, because we have a soul and...a body! Yes. God works through his creation.

From then on, Israelites had to come to the Levites to atone for their sins. They'd tell a Levite their sins, he'd give them a penance, tell them what to offer, say a calf, or a bird, or a lamb. He'd kill it and offer it. There was a different atonement for each type of sin, or seriousness of sin. It could get pretty complicated. There's a book in the Bible that deals with all the details of sin, sacrifice, and atonement called Leviticus. It's named after the Levite priests, it's a kind of instruction manual. Here's an example, it's long and gross: "He shall bring the bull to the door of the tent of meeting before the LORD, and lay his hand on the head of the bull, and kill the bull before the LORD. And the anointed priest shall take some of the blood of the bull and bring it to the tent of meeting; and the priest shall dip his finger in the blood and sprinkle part of the blood seven times before the LORD in front of the veil of the sanctuary. And the priest shall put some of the blood on the horns of the altar of fragrant incense before the LORD which is in the tent of meeting, and the rest of the blood of the bull he shall pour out at the base of the altar of burnt offering which is at the door of the tent of meeting. And all the fat of the bull of the sin offering he shall take from it, the fat that covers the entrails and all the fat that is on the entrails, and the two kidneys with the fat that is on them at the loins, and the appendage of the liver which he shall take away with the kidneys ...and the priest shall burn them upon the altar of burnt offering. But the skin of the bull and all its flesh, with its head, its legs, its entrails, and its dung, the whole bull he shall carry forth outside the camp to a clean place, where the ashes are poured out, and shall burn it on a fire of wood; where the ashes are poured out it shall be burned."  How 'bout that, girls? Ewww! That's right.

And this is what Leviticus says, over and over, sacrifice after sacrifice: "the priest shall make atonement for him, and he shall be forgiven." Trick question: if I was a good Israelite, and the priests made atonement for all my sins, and they were forgiven, when I died would I go to Heaven? Yes...No! Well, which is it? No! Why? Cause Jesus hadn't died for our sins yet. Yes. The problem was that God was perfect and sinless, while even the high priests were sinners like the rest of us. So even though sinful people and sinful priests, including the high priest, did their best to make up for their sins, they couldn't do a perfect job of it. To do that you'd need a high priest who had no sin.

Thank goodness though, people who faithfully followed God's laws as best they could didn't go to Hell. They went to a place called Sheol, neither pleasant nor painful. Greeks had a word for that abode of the dead, anyone know it? Hades? Yes, good. Yes, what? Is that like Purgatory? Good question daughter, it's like Purgatory in that it's not Heaven or Hell, and a temporary place; but being in Sheol is different from being in Purgatory. In fact, Jesus visited Sheol, we'll learn about that later this year.

Now so far all the purification and sacrificing involves spilling and sprinkling and slathering...blood! Yes, blood, because God's people believed life was in blood, which makes a certain amount of sense. They had so much respect for the life in blood that they wouldn't consume blood: wouldn't drink it or even eat meat unless all the blood had drained out of the animal first. But this next bit of Leviticus adds something to that sacrificial blood.

Who knows what a leper is, not a leopard...c'mon, what's leprosy? A bad disease? Yes, an awful disease: parts of your body die and fall off, like your fingers, ears, lips, nose. Eventually you die, but in the meantime you are ugly and people are afraid of touching you. Leviticus says, "The leper who has the disease shall wear torn clothes and let the hair of his head hang loose, and he shall cover his upper lip and cry, 'Unclean, unclean.' He shall remain unclean as long as he has the disease...he shall dwell alone...outside the camp." Poor people.

In Biblical times, lots of skin diseases were called leprosy, not just the worst type that we now call Hansen's Disease, where body parts fall off. Some infections might go away, might heal, but anyone whose skin ailment got better had to go to a priest to be declared clean, the way you'd need a doctor's note to return to school. There was a ritual for that. Leviticus says, "...take...two living clean birds and cedarwood and scarlet stuff and hyssop; ....kill one of the birds in an earthen vessel over running water. He shall take the living bird with the cedarwood and the scarlet stuff and the hyssop, and dip them and the living bird in the blood of the bird that was killed over the running water; and he shall sprinkle it seven times upon him who is to be cleansed of leprosy; then he shall pronounce him clean, and shall let the living bird go into the open field." Y'all know about blood being sprinkled with a hyssop brush, but in this case the blood is being mixed with what? Water? Yes, the blood is sprinkled for...making up for sin...A-T-O- Atonement! Yes, and the water is for...cleaning? Yes, we'd say cleansing in this case. So water and blood together atone and cleanse. After this sprinkling the healed person offers lambs and some oil. The priest sacrifices the lambs and put some of the blood on the person. Then he pours a handful of the oil on the person's head, and declares the person is clean. Even the house of a leper had to be cleansed: "for the cleansing of the house he shall...take the cedarwood and the hyssop and the scarlet stuff, along with the living bird, and dip them in the blood of the bird that was killed and in the running water, and sprinkle the house seven times." Blood and water go together.

For centuries, the Levites sprinkled blood or water on people and things: marking them with the sacrificial blood, or by washing them clean with water. If you want to make something physically clean will sprinkling do a good job? No, that won't do anything. So why just sprinkle then? Why not really wash? Well, it would take too long, and people have their clothes on. That's right, and sprinkling's not about getting physically clean anyway, what's the point? Spiritual cleaning? Yes, and because we're made of a...body'n'soul! yes, if we want our souls made clean, we...sprinkle water on our bodies? Yes, genius! But in Moses' day the sprinkling was symbolic. It showed that the people wished to be clean from sin... the water didn't do anything. But Jesus changes that in the New Testament.

And tell me the business about the Israelites starving the desert? God gave them bread! Yes, what's that bread called? Manna! Yes, Manna. For 40 years they ate it, what did it do for them? Well, it kept them from starving? Yes. For how long? Umm...40 years? Yes, and after that did they all get old and die? Yes. So that food miracle, the manna, worked for a while. Even Jesus talked about manna, as we'll discuss later on. And let's see...what is a human made of? A body'n'soul! Yes, and what part did the miracle bread help? The body part? Yes. Unfortunately it didn't do a thing for...the soul part? Right. But this is typical of food miracles in the Old Testament: they help bodies, but not...souls. Yes. Jesus is going to change this, too.

Now, has anyone ever seen any sprinkling happen in church? I have! Tell us about it. Umm, the priest walks around with a bucket and a silver thing and slings holy water on everybody! Yes. That thing is called an aspergillum, it's the Latin word for little-sprinkler-thing. Has anyone ever seen a priest use a bundle of sticks, instead of the silver aspergillum, to sprinkle the congregation? I saw that at another church! Yes, good. It's very interesting. The bundle of sticks looks like a little broom or brush, and it slings more Holy Water than the silver sprinkler, too. I like the sticks because that's like hyssop brushes the Levites used to sprinkle blood and water all the time. Look at this picture in last week's newspaper, this is the priest at the Greek Orthodox church blessing a new building...what's he using? A brush like Moses had! Yes.

From now on in the Bible, we'll see the ritual use of water showing up in important ways. Sometimes by itself, sometimes together with blood. And we'll see people anointed with oil as well; watch for that.

Class over!

This series continues in the the next post, http://platytera.blogspot.com/2010/10/cherubs-and-arks.html

Media

Uh-oh: Desert Debauchery

continued from the prior post, "Prince of Egypt"

So the Israelites were thrown out of Egypt. Pharaoh didn't just say, ok y'all can leave, he said get out! Why was he so angry? No guesses? He wasn't just Pharaoh, but a father. Oh, because his son was killed! Yes, his firstborn. And the Israelites had prepared to leave, so within the day they were gone. The book in the Bible we're reading from is called Exodus, which is Greek for departure, or exit. Even though this Old Testament book was written in...Hebrew, the name is Greek. Why is it called Exodus? Because the people were leaving Egypt. Yes.

And by the time they got to the Red Sea, (I draw a quick map of the Nile, the Red Sea, Sinai & the Mediterranean coast) Pharaoh was having second thoughts: "What is this we have done, that we have let Israel go from serving us?" So he made ready his chariot and took his army with him, and took six hundred picked chariots and all the other chariots of Egypt with officers over all of them. And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt and he pursued the people of Israel as they went forth defiantly."

And when the people saw Pharaoh's army coming, they started complaining to Moses:  "What have you done to us, in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt, 'Let us alone and let us serve the Egyptians? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." Now I know what Moses is thinking: stop WHINING! But God tells Moses:  "Lift up your rod, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go on dry ground through the sea" (I do this with my rod). What happpens? The water splits apart! It does! Would it have parted if Moses hadn't used his rod? No! If Moses had prayed real hard? No!  Right. Moses had to actively, physically cooperate with God...Moses' way? No, God's way! Right. Once again, God's power goes through something physical, a part of his creation; in this case the rod, the stick. Tell me the rest. They cross over and the soldiers chase them but the water comes back and they drown. Yes, good. (Ex 14)

Now the people of Israel are heading back to Canaan, the land God gave to...Abraham, yes, their forefather. But they wander around for a long time, which the Bible says is...40 days! That's not so long. 40 years! There you go. Well, within a month or so of leaving Egypt, they ran out of food: "the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and said to them, "Would that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots and ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." What's Moses thinking right now? Stop...whining!  Yes. But God told Moses: "Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a day's portion every day..." What's that bread called? Manna? Yes, manna. Question: if God didn't want the people to be hungry, couldn't he just think, "they shall not be hungry," and have that work? Well, God can do anything. Yes...so why did he go to the trouble of putting miracle bread on the ground every morning? So they would know where it came from? Yes, God wanted them to believe not just spiritually, but...physically! Yes, 'cause we're a...body'n'soul! Yes, and they had to cooperate with God: pick up the bread and chew it and eat it. And "the taste of it was like wafers made with honey"...sounds pretty good!

But if they ran short of food in the wilderness you can bet they also ran short of...water!  Yes.  Exodus chapter 17 says: "...there was no water for the people to drink.  Therefore the people found fault with Moses, and said, "Give us water to drink." I love that: it's all Moses' fault! Stop...whining!  Yes! And Moses said to them, "Why do you find fault with me? Why do you put the LORD to the test?" But the people thirsted there for water, and the people grumbled against Moses, and said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst?" Waah, waah, like spoiled brats. "So Moses cried to the LORD, "What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me." And the LORD said to Moses, "Pass on before the people, taking with you some of the elders of Israel; and take in your hand the rod with which you struck the Nile, and go. Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water shall come out of it, that the people may drink." And Moses did so, in the sight of the elders of Israel." And so? Water came out!  Yes. And why did the elders have to watch? So they could tell the people that Moses did it. Yes. So the people couldn't say it just happened by itself.

Suppose Moses didn't do the rod thing, but say, slapped the rock? No water! Yes...trick question: is the rod magic? Umm...yes...no! No! Right; think about TV. If someone is funny on TV, do you think, "Wow, the TV sure is funny?" Ha, that's silly! Oh yeah, why? Because the people are funny, not the TV. Right. The TV is just a screen that lets you see and hear the comedian. We call the TV a medium. A medium is something in the middle, like a medium-sized shirt. On one side is the comedian; on the other side is...the people watching the TV?  Yes, so between the audience and the comedian is...the TV!  Yes, it's the medium, it just carries the information. Think about a lightbulb and a power station, what's the medium there? Umm...wires?  Yes, the wire transmits...electricity?  Yes, power. When Isaac blessed Jacob, what was the medium? His hands!  Yes. Sometimes we talk about the news media, which means magazines, newspapers, the net, radio, TV. If there is more than one medium, we say media. God uses Moses' rod as a medium, and this year we'll see more examples of God using physical things, stuff, as media to transmit his power and grace.

So. Once the Israelites quit whining about being hungry and thirsty, they stopped for a while at the bottom of Mount Sinai, which nowadays is in Egypt. Moses went up to the top to visit with God...for a long time but not 40 years, which is too long...40 days!  Yes; and why on the mountaintop? OK, where is God usually? In heaven? Yes, which is under the ground? No, up in the sky! So then? Oh, the top is closer to God! Yes.

Apparently the Israelites got bored of twiddling their thumbs for 40 days, which reminds me of a saying: "Idle hands are the Devil's playground." Exodus 32 says:  "When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron, and said to him, "Come, make us gods, who shall go before us; as for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him." And Aaron said to them, "Take off the rings of gold which are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me."  So all the people took off the rings of gold which were in their ears, and brought them to Aaron. And he received the gold at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, and made a molten calf; and they said, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!" Oh dear: does God the Father have a body? No. Is he a calf? Ha, no! But Egyptians worshiped make-believe gods, what sort of bodies did they have? One was a bird. Yes, Thoth had a bird-head...another? Umm...a crocodile? Yes; Egyptians had all sorts of animal-body gods. So the Israelites, having picked up some bad habits in Egypt,  decided to make up an animal for God.

After the calf was made, Aaron "built an altar before it; and Aaron made a proclamation and said, "Tomorrow shall be a feast to the LORD." And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play." Uh-oh, like the Devil's...playground! Yes! God saw them, and was angry that they would treat him like some bogus animal-god. He told Moses he would wipe them out and start over, but Moses pleaded with God not to. "You promised they would have the land of their forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, give them another chance." We would say that Moses interceded for the people. So God agreed not to kill them. As Moses came down the mountain he saw the calf, and the people drunk, running wild, and participating in adult misbehavior. What's adult misbehavior? Ask your parents. So Moses was angry, and threw something down, which was...the Ten Commandments!  Yes, which were written on...two stone tablets! Yes, they were shattered.

Next week we'll see how God and Moses dealt with all this idol-worship and sinning.

Class over!

Prince of Egypt

Still from Disney's lovely Prince of Egypt

Y'all remember last class we were talking about Mr. Laughter, what was his name? Isaac! Yes, and his two sons, Mr. Hairy...? Esau! Yes, and the Heel-grabber...Jacob! Yes, good. And Jacob tricked his Daddy and his brother so he got...the inheritance!  Yes. Years passed, Isaac died, and Jacob became a grown man. One night he was attacked by a stranger, and he wrestled all night with him. At dawn the stranger tried to get away, but Jacob wouldn't let him go until he identified himself. The stranger said he was an angel sent by God; and because Jacob had wrestled with God's messenger, his name was changed to I-s-r-a-e-l, which is Hebrew for "struggles with God."  The "el" on the end means God. Anytime you see a Bible name like Michael, Gabriel, or Daniel the el means "of God, with God," that sort of thing, and the first part of the name means something else. Do you remember who has already had a name-change in the Bible? Sarah? Yes, and her husband...Abraham. Yes. And when a name changes in the Bible that person gains authority and status...like getting a promotion from God. And it can't change back.

Israel had 12 sons. We're not going to learn all their names, but their descendants became 12 tribes of a particular nation...? Umm, Egypt? No, but a good guess. These 12 tribes were the descendants of.... oh Israel!  Yes, the whole nation was named ...Israel.  Yes. How about that for a name-change? Well, Israel's youngest son was Joseph, and being the youngest, he was the cutest. Most of his older brothers were grown men with beards and not cute. And old Israel loved Joseph so much he gave him a very nice present...a garment...a coat with colors?  Yes, and the brothers were jealous, they couldn't stand how their father doted on the kid while they had to work all day. So what did they decide to do? Make him a slave! Almost. First they decided to kill him but figured that was too mean, so they threw him into a pit. Later on a slave-merchant came along, bought Joseph, and took him to...Egypt!  Yes, good.  Then his brothers took his colorful coat, put some goat's blood on it and told Israel that Joseph had been killed by an animal. What did Joseph do to deserve being hated? Nothing. Right. What did Abel do to deserve being hated? Nothing. Right again. In both cases they were innocent victims...like lambs that are sacrificed.

Joseph was a useful slave in Egypt, and as an adult was such a good manager that he became the Pharaoh's right-hand man, what we might call the prime-minister.

Then one year there was a great famine in Canaan, where Israel and his extended family lived. What's a famine? When people starve 'cause there's not enough to eat. Yes, what usually causes a famine? It doesn't rain? Yes, there's a shortage of water. So Israel's family moved to Egypt. Why Egypt? Let me put it this way: why would there be water in Egypt even if there's no rain? Oh, the Nile river is there!  Yes. Well, all the family came to Egypt, and met with Joseph, who ran things for the Pharaoh. They didn't recognize him, but Joseph knew who they were, his rotten brothers and their families. But he let them live in Egypt. Eventually they all made up, and Israel was so happy to his son Joseph back. I bet he was as happy as Abraham when he didn't have to sacrifice...Isaac!  Yes. By the way, who has seen the movie "Prince of Egypt?" Me. Me too. I did. But not all of you. The movie covers what we're going to be talking about for the next couple of classes, in case you want to watch it for homework- be sure not to enjoy it!

So for centuries the Israelites lived in Egypt, but as slaves. Everyone worked for the Pharaoh. Hey, if you saw Prince of Egypt, what was the bad guy's name? Ramses. Yes...what was his job? He was the Pharaoh. Mmmm, that was what people called him. What was his job? Being the king, ruling Egypt.
Yes. Now if we were speaking to the king could we say, "hey Ramses, howya doin'? Sure is hot today in Egypt isn't it, Ramses?" Ha, that wouldn't be right. Why not? Well, he's the king. Yeah, so? So you have to show respect. OK, so one way we show respect for someone's authority is to show respect for his name. By the way, Pharaoh doesn't actually mean King. Egyptians had another word for king: Nisut. "Pharaoh" means "Big House." Why would Ramses be called Big House? Because he lived in a big house, a palace. Yes. And the point is that the Egyptians and the Hebrew slaves had so much respect for Ramses that they wouldn't call him Ramses, or even call him King, but only refer to him by where he lived. That's also why we don't call our parents, or priests, or other people with authority by their first names.

Well, the Israelites were so fruitful that...they had a lot of children!  Yes, so many that Pharaoh got nervous. He was afraid the Hebrews might take over Egypt. While the Israelites are in Egypt the Bible calls them Hebrews. So Pharaoh commanded that all the Hebrew boy babies be thrown into what river? The Nile, yes...which is the only river in Egypt, so that was easy. What had those babies done? Nothing. Right. Who can tell me another time that a King killed a whole lot of baby boys? Oh, King Herod!  Yes, good, we'll talk about Herod later this year. All these babies were...innocent...innocent victims!  Yes, like sacrificed...lambs!  Yes.

When Pharaoh gave this command, one Hebrew woman hid her newborn baby. But babies grow and get too big to hide, so what did she do? Put him in a little boat in the Nile, and a lady found him. Yes, but the Bible doesn't say boat, it says...ark! Yes, a container for valuable things, in this case...a baby!  Yes, it was a basket with tar on the outside to make it waterproof. Who found the baby? The Queen? Close, the Pharaoh's daughter, a princess. She adopted Moses, and he grew up as part of Pharaoh's family.

One day when Moses was a young man, he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew slave. Moses got upset, and killed the Egyptian. When Pharaoh found out, Moses had to flee Egypt. He got a job in the desert tending sheep, married his boss's daughter, Zipporah (I like that name), and minded his own business. But all the Hebrew slaves were still stuck in Egypt: "the people of Israel groaned under their bondage, and cried out for help, and their cry under bondage came up to God.  And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. And God saw the people of Israel, and God knew their condition." (Ex 2). And a covenant is a contract, but more like...a marriage! Yes, good.

So Moses was tending sheep one day, "And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush; and he looked, and lo, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, "I will turn aside and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt." I'd be the same, I gotta see that!  "God called to him out of the bush, "Moses, Moses!" Then he said, "Do not come near; put off your shoes from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground." Moses had to take his dirty shoes off to show respect. And God said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." God is reminding Moses that God has a long history with Moses' forefathers. Then God says, "the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring forth my people, the sons of Israel, out of Egypt." (Ex 4)

Moses said, "Why me?" But God said he'd help, and tongue-tied Moses could let his brother Aaron do the most of the talking in Egypt. So Moses goes to Egypt. He and Aaron visit his childhood friend Ramses, who is the Pharaoh now. They say, "Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'Let my people go, that they may hold a feast to me in the wilderness.' "  But Pharaoh said, "Who is the LORD, that I should heed his voice and let Israel go? I do not know the LORD, and moreover I will not let Israel go." Having thousands of slaves is a good deal for Pharaoh, he's not giving that up. Now it'd be easy for Pharaoh to just kill Moses, but he wants to show his power. So he orders his bosses to make things harder for the Hebrews at work. Then the Hebrews will blame Moses and Aaron for their problems. 

So Moses is unhappy, and tells God, "O LORD, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me?  For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered thy people at all."  That doesn't mean delivered like a pizza...what's it mean? Taken away from Pharaoh? Yes, delivered away. (Ex 5)

 So God worked through Moses to bring 10 plagues on Egypt, who knows some of them? The river became blood? Yes, and? Frogs? Yes...any more? No? Well, there was a plague of gnats, one of flies, diseases, boils, which are big pus infections that hurt like crazy- all kinds of gross stuff, but Pharaoh wouldn't let the Israelites go after 9 plagues. So God sent a tenth plague:  "Yet one plague more I will bring upon Pharaoh and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go; when he lets you go, he will drive you away completely...About midnight I will go forth in the midst of Egypt; and all the first-born in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first-born of Pharaoh who sits upon his throne, even to the first-born of the maidservant who is behind the mill; and all the first-born of the animals. And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there has never been, nor ever shall be again."

But does God plan to kill all the Hebrew firstborn? No. Right, Moses tells the Hebrews: "Select lambs for yourselves according to your families, and kill the passover lamb. Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male a year old...eat the flesh that night, roasted; with unleavened bread and bitter herbs they shall eat it."  Notice each family has to kill an unblemished lamb...what's unblemished? Umm...no zits? Nice skin? Sort of. It means flawless: no broken bones, healthy, not mangy. The sort of lamb Abel would sacrifice, not Cain. Cain would get a cheap, scrawny lamb. So they get a good lamb, kill it, and eat it. By eating it, they make the sacrificed animal part of themselves.

Then Moses instructs: "Take a bunch of hyssop and dip it in the blood which is in the basin, and touch the lintel and the two doorposts with the blood which is in the basin; and none of you shall go out of the door of his house until the morning. For the LORD will pass through to slay the Egyptians; and when he sees the blood on the lintel and on the two doorposts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not allow the destroyer to enter your houses to slay you." What's a basin? A big bowl. Yes, about handwashing size. When you kill a lamb like this, all the blood runs into the basin. Then the Hebrews had to spread it on the doorposts with a bunch of hyssop. Hyssop's a plant; if you tie a bunch of hyssop together it makes a broom or a brush. Question: why did they have to spread the blood on the doorposts? God told them to. Well, yes. But imagine you're the destroyer, the angel of death, floating over the houses going into each one and killing all the firstborn. Then you fly over a house with blood all over the doorway...what does that tell you? That something's already been killed there! Yes, genius! So what do you do? Go to the next house? Yes. You pass over the houses where something has already been killed. What is this event called? The Passover!  Yes! Jewish people still observe the Passover every spring. And tell me, who else in the Bible was able to spare the firstborn by sacrificing a substitute animal? Abraham! Yes, good. But suppose instead of sprinkling blood, the Israelites just stayed inside and prayed hard...would that work? No! Suppose they didn't want to mess the doorway up and left the basin full of blood on the porch? No! Killing a calf instead of a lamb? No! Right. For God to help the Israelites, they had to...help themselves? Yes, they had to cooperate with God. Could they cooperate however they wanted to? No, the way God wanted them to. Yes, it's still like that, we have to work with God, to cooperate, his way, not our way.

So around midnight, "Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt, for there was not a house where one was not dead. And he summoned Moses and Aaron by night, and said, "Rise up, go forth from among my people, both you and the people of Israel..." And so the Israelites prepare to exit Egypt after 430 years. What's "exit" mean? To leave somewhere. Yes, to go out. Next we'll see what the Israelites did when they exited.

Story continues in the next post, Media.

Laughter

Picking up where the previous post left off, we're now discussing Abraham (Gen 11-27):

Who knows what Mesopotamia is? Me! Me too! I do! Wow, y'all all know! Hey, did you know Mesopotamia's a Greek word: Meso means middle, potamus means river. Mesopotamia means "land between the rivers." Yes, what? The Tigris and the Euphrates rivers! Yes! You 6th graders are too smart! Tell me smarties, where's Abraham from? Mesopotamia? Yes, that was a gimme question. One day in Mesopotamia, Abram was standing on a ziggurat having a beer and minding his own business when God spoke to him: "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing." Yes, what? Who's "Abram?" Oh, his name isn't Abraham yet...God changes it later on. So God tells him to drop everything and take off into the desert, and God'll let him know when to stop. And off Abram goes! Now that's faith. If God told me tomorrow to just move to Atlanta I'd probably say, "What? I can't hear you!" I'd think of reasons not to go. But Abram went with his wife Sarai, and his extended family. Eventually Abram came to the land of Canaan, where God said, "To your descendants I will give this land." Which is odd, because Abram & Sarai were were old, and had no children. Then Abram "built there an altar to the LORD, who had appeared to him." What's an altar for? To pray? Good guess, but we can pray without an altar...another guess? To sacrifice? Yes, you need an altar for that. If I'm going to offer a thanksgiving sacrifice of say, a lamb, I suppose I could throw the lamb on the ground, put my foot on his neck and jab it with a sharp stick 'til it was dead. Then I'd set it on fire, say, there you go God, thanks, and walk away. That would be weird. Yes, it's not dignified. Raising the sacrifice up on the altar shows respect, plus it moves the sacrifice away from Earth and toward...Heaven? Yes, toward God. It's even closer to God if you put the altar on a mountain....or a ziggurat. There are two main things we offer sacrifices for: to atone, to make up for sin, and to give thanks. My guess is Abram offered a thanksgiving sacrifice because God let him stop walking.

Once Abram arrived in Canaan, you'd think he could settle down, but noo, people were already living there. Imagine I'm a Canaanite, I'm minding my own business in Canaan. Abram comes walking in from the desert, finishes the last of his beer, and says, "Hello, God gave me this land." I'd say, "Oh yeah? God didn't bring me the news, and this is my land. Get off it." So Abram had to fight a lot of other tribes to get the land, and even today, the Jews are still fighting for that same land.

After one particular battle, Abram was victorious. Who might he thank for that? God? Yes, and how would he thank God? By sacrificing? Yes, what kind of sacrifice? A thanksgiving sacrifice? Yes. Genesis says, "And Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was priest of God Most High. And he blessed him and said, "Blessed be Abram by God Most High, maker of heaven and earth." Who has heard of Mechizedek before? Me! Where from? I forgot. OK, anyone else? No? Well, if you've ever been to Mass you've heard his name, but if you weren't listening you wouldn't remember. Pay attention at Mass. Mechizedek's a priest, what's a priest's job? To pray? Yeah...he does that, but he does something more particular...at altars...oh, he sacrifices!  Yes, so instead of Abram sacrificing...Melchizedek does? Yes...but he doesn't kill a lamb, what's he offer? Listen again: "Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was..." Oh, bread and wine!  Yes. And what do we bring up at the Offertory at Mass? Bread and wine! Yes, the same. And then "Abram gave him a tenth of everything." Abram is giving money, camels, goat cheese, whatever to Mechizedek in thanks, the same way we do at the Offertory at Mass, although we skip the goat cheese nowadays. Melchizedek shows up again near the end of the Bible and in the Mass, so remember him.

Tell me, what do we call the deal God made with Noah? A covenant. Yes. Now that Abram is in Canaan, God makes a covenant with him, too: "I will make my covenant between me and you, and will multiply you exceedingly...you shall be the father of a multitude of nations. No longer shall your name be Abram, but your name shall be Abraham...I will make you exceedingly fruitful; kings shall come forth from you. And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant...And I will give to you, and to your descendants...all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession..."

First off, how many kids does Abram have? None! Right; so being a "father of a multitude of nations" seems impossible. But God says Abram will "be fruitful and multiply," just like who? Adam & Eve!  Yes, and? Noah! Yes. And God changed Abram's name to Abraham, which is what language...Hebrew! Yes, it means "father of multitudes;" how convenient is that? And God changes Sarai's name to Sarah, which means "princess." So they both got an upgrade in the name department. As the year progresses we'll learn about other people in the Bible whose names are changed; a name-change usually means more authority and higher status.

Well, name-changing is fine as far as it goes, but Abraham and Sarah are still old and childless. But one day they were visited by 3 strangers, who were invited to stay for lunch. Now how many strangers are there? Three. Yes, but here is how they talk: "The LORD said, "I will surely return to you in the spring, and Sarah your wife shall have a son."  When the 3 of them speak, it's the LORD speaking. They don't speak as individuals. If it's God speaking, why are there 3 persons?  Umm..because it's the Trinity? Yes, Christians believe that the Trinity visited Abraham. Look at this picture, it's called "The Hospitality of Abraham":

Can you tell where Sarah is? That's easy, she's the woman. Yes, and Abraham? The old man. Yes, and the other three...the Trinity. Yes who are...Father, Son and Holy Spirit! Yes. How can you tell they are more holy than Abraham & Sarah? They have wings? Yes, and something else...look at the haloes. Oh, their haloes are nicer! Yes, each one has 3 crosses on it, to emphasize the 3 persons in the Trinity, and why crosses? What do they remind you of? Jesus being crucified? Yes. And what are they all holding? Scrolls? Yes. Why? Umm...they're bringing a message? Yes, which is...Sarah will have a baby? Yes, good. We'll look at other art during the year, I want y'all to learn to look at the details, they're important.

Back to lunch: when Sarah heard she would have a baby, she laughed, because she and Abraham were so old. But God said, "Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, in the spring, and Sarah shall have a son."  So what do you think happened in the spring? She had a baby! Yes she did. And they named their son Isaac, which is Chinese for...Chinese? It's Hebrew!  Y'all are too smart, yes it's Hebrew for 'laughter;' why'd they name him Laughter? Because they were so happy to have a baby! Yes. When my kids were born I laughed too, it was so wonderful. Isaac was their firstborn and only child. We might call him their only-begotten son. Where've you heard "only-begotten son" before ...at Mass? Yes, and it refers to...Jesus? Yes.

So Isaac grew up, and they were a happy family. Now y'all remember,  Abraham had to fight lots of nearby tribes to get his piece of Canaan. Those other people didn't worship God. They worshiped false gods like Moloch and Ba'al. Abraham's neighbors were so afraid of their gods that they sacrificed their firstborn children to them. Can you imagine how awful that would be? But God didn't ask that of Abraham when Isaac was born. But then years later when Isaac was older, God said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." I can't imagine killing  and burning one of my children, I don't even like to think about what Abraham went through. Who can tell the story? He put Isaac on the altar but an angel grabbed his arm so he couldn't kill him!   Yes. So God doesn't make Abraham give Isaac back to God. But that doesn't mean that Abraham doesn't have to sacrifice something. C'mon, y'all tell me. Abraham saw a lamb to sacrifice. Yes, a ram, a grown-up lamb, whose horns were caught in some brambles so Abraham could grab it.  God accepted the ram instead of Isaac. What's more valuable, the ram or Isaac? Isaac! Yes, God loves Abraham so much that he accepts the ram as a substitute for Isaac. And God continues to do this with his people; they won't have to kill their kids, but can substitute something less precious in the place of their children, or in place of themselves.

Eventually Isaacs' parents died. Isaac married Rebecca, and she became pregnant with twins.  As the first baby was coming out, they saw he had more hair than most babies, so they named him Esau, which is Hebrew for 'hairy.' Ewww, gross, a hairy baby! C'mon, he wasn't hairy like a gorilla, some people just have more hair. Well, as Esau came out, they saw another little hand grabbing onto his ankle...that baby was named Jacob, which means "heel-holder." Yes, what? Umm, how does that work? What exactly? You know...babies? Oh you mean how does sex work? Yeah. Ask your parents, this a religion class, not a plumbing class.

So: who was the firstborn? Esau. But they were twins! But Esau came out first! Yes, right. And if you grab someone's heel what happens? You trip them! Yes. Jacob's going to trip up his brother, let's see how.

The firstborn usually inherits from the father all the goodies: tents, camels, goat cheese, iPads, along with the father's authority. When the father gets too old to run things, he blesses the firstborn son by laying his hands on him; that's how the son gets all the stuff and becomes the new boss of the family. But Esau wasn't too sharp, and Jacob tricked him by swapping some bean stew for Esau's inheritance when Esau was hungry. Esau lived for the moment; he didn't like to plan ahead. But since Isaac still had to lay hands on Jacob instead of Esau,  Jacob and his mom, Rebekah, also had to trick old Isaac, who couldn't see very well. They disguised Jacob to be like Esau, and confused Isaac laid hands on Jacob, and blessed him, but Isaac thought he was blessing Esau. So although in spirit he blessed Esau, with his hands Isaac blessed Jacob.

Esau found out about the trick, and said, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!"  But Isaac said, "Your brother came with guile, and he has taken away your blessing."  Isaac couldn't give Esau the blessing! And he couldn't take it back from Jacob, either! Isaac said, "Your brother came with deceit and has taken away your blessing.” Then Esau said to his father, "Have you but one blessing, my father?" But Isaac couldn't give the firstborn blessing more than once. So even though it doesn't seem fair, Isaac's misplaced blessing was permanent. Not even Isaac could undo it.

Some blessings are like Isaac's: so special that they make a permanent difference. They're like a spiritual tattoo, they don't ever come off. You can usually tell a blessing is permanent when someone with authority puts his hands on the person being blessed. In the next year or so, who will lay hands on you? The Bishop. Yes. That'll be like Isaac's blessing, but better.
 

That's it for tonight; next week we'll learn a bit about Joseph, and a lot about Moses.

The story continues at Prince of Egypt.

Carnivores

This article has been linked to Sunday Snippets

                                       
Condensed from this year's 3rd class, Gen 7-9:

Hey y'all, last week I said a bit about the guy who lived longer than anyone else in the Bible...who was that? Ummatthew? No, not Matthew, but his name does start with an 'M'...it's Methuselah. And we're gonna talk about Methuselah's grandson tonight...Noah. Yes, what? He built the ark! Yes. Remind me please, was Noah in Eden eating grapes? No he's in the world. Yes, where there is...sin!  Yes. In fact there is so much sin that Genesis says, "The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart." I suppose generations of people were bad all the time unless they were asleep, and then they were dreaming about being bad.

So the LORD said, "I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the ground, man and beast and creeping things and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them."  Trick question: could those animals sin? No! Right. Can we? Yes! Because we have what? Free will! Yes. Then doesn't it seem like God would just wipe out the people who commit the sins, and leave the animals alone? Yes. Tell me, in Eden could a lion eat a lamb? No! How about after Adam & Eve's sin? Yes! So even though the lamb hadn't done anything to deserve it, it might get eaten because of...Adam & Eve's sin!  Yes, which didn't just mess up the two of them, it messed up...everything!  Yes, all of Creation. So all of Creation, even cute squirrels and chipmunks and babies suffer. 

Well, thank goodness that "Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD" which means Noah wasn't so bad...he was still a sinner, like me, but Noah had God's favor. So tell me what happened. God told Noah to make a boat and put the animals in it! Yes, good. And what was the boat called? The Ark! Yes. Ark is an interesting word, well aren't they all...what's it mean? Boat! No! That was a trick question, it just means a container. Sometimes in the Bible an ark is a box. But if the ark has to float then...it's a boat! Yes. And in the Bible arks are sturdy because they protect precious things. Not precious like cute bunnies, but precious in the sense of something very valuable.

And what went in the ark? Two animals of each kind? Yes, like..two male pandas and two female camels? No, one boy and one girl. Why's that? So they could breed and make more. Right. And Noah's family got on too. Then what? It rained for 40 days!  Yes...40. How long is Lent? Umm...40 days? How long did the Israelites wander in the desert? 40 days...no, years!  How long did Jesus fast in the desert? 40 days! Yes. In the Bible, the number 40 means "a lot." It also signifies a time of preparation. So when we have 40 days of Lent what do we prepare for? Easter! Yes. By the way, how many thieves did Ali Baba have? Who? Never mind..he had 40 thieves. 

So after 40 days of rain then what? Noah sent a bird out but it came back. Yes. And after 7 days he sent it out again, and...it came back with a branch. Close, an olive leaf. Then after 7 more days he sent the raven out and...it didn't come back. Because...the land was ok. Yes.

OK. Who can tell me what a contract is? When you sign a paper to make a deal. Yes, great answer! But back in Noah's day, people weren't literate, they couldn't read and write. When they wanted to make a contract, a deal, they had to say it out loud, usually 3 times in front of witnesses. Even today in some traditional societies, people do this, especially when they get married. Well, God made a contract with Noah, a particular type of contract we call a covenant. If I buy a house, it's a regular contract. It may be twenty pages long, all kinds of details, stuff to sign. People often have long, picky contracts with people they don't know, because if they don't really know each other, it's hard to trust each other. But a covenant is different, it's more like a marriage. Trick question: how many pages long is my marriage contract? None! Wow, that's right! All we signed was a marriage license, paper about the size of my hand. And the priest signed it too. So we didn't have a contract with conditions like, "I agree to unclog the toilets and clean up the kids' vomit if you agree to change the code brown diapers and cook spaghetti on Saturdays." Kind of a 50/50 deal. Instead, we essentially said, I give myself to you without worrying about the details because I love you and you love me. That's a covenant, not 50/50, but 100/100. It's based on love, and it's personal.

Well, after everyone got out of the Ark, God made a covenant with Noah: "I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth." And, "I set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth." What's "a bow in sky"...for God to shoot giant arrows? Ha, no, it's a rainbow! Oh, yeah, you must be right. I like the rainbow because it shows how God uses Creation, the world he made, to communicate with us, to send us things. Somebody tell me how God worked through Creation to make sure the Wise Men didn't get lost on the way to Bethlehem. They followed the North Star! That would've worked if Jesus was an Eskimo; but yes, a particular star did appear that they followed across the desert to Las Vegas...why are you laughing? It was Bethlehem!  Oh, yes. Bethlehem.

Then God said to Noah, "And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth." Have you heard that before? God said it to Adam & Eve!  Y'all are too smart! God is starting over with Noah and his family, and this new covenant is like the one he made with Adam & Eve. Then God says, "The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every bird of the air, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea; into your hand they are delivered. Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you; and as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything."  Sounds awful doesn't it? All the animals will be in fear of Noah. Why? Because Noah can eat them? Yes, he and his descendants can kill and eat animals now. Why's that ok now? Because they haven't planted any food yet? Well, maybe. Tell me this: why is it that there are any animals at all, that they all didn't drown? Because Noah put them in the Ark!  Yes, they didn't do anything themselves, it was all Noah's work. So if not for Noah, they'd all be...dead!  Yes. So the animals owe Noah...what do they owe him? Their lives?  Yes,  so God is acknowledging that since the animals and all their descendants owe Noah their lives, God won't forbid people to kill and eat them. Now just because God no longer forbids eating animals, does that mean he approves of it? No. Right. God didn't say, "Eat a bunch of chickens, Noah and I'll bless you." But sin has made the world a hard, fearful place, and God doesn't blame us for that. 

¿Quién aquí habla Español? Who speaks Spanish? Me! OK m'ija, digame, cómo se llama "carne" en Inglés? Meat!  Yes, C-A-R-N-E means meat, flesh. How about 'voracious,' do y'all know that word? No...no...no. No worries, sometimes 6th graders surprise me. How about 'devour'? To eat real fast? Yes, like an wild animal. If we put the Latin roots of carne and devour together we get carnivorous; anyone know that word? Yes, it means to eat meat!  Yes, ever since Noah we've been carnivores, like lions. So animals are afraid of us, even the carnivorous ones.

Tell me about the 40 days before Easter. Lent? Yes, Lent. Sometimes during Lent we don't eat something...meat! Right. Is it better to be in Eden or in the world of sin? Eden!  Yes, where nobody could kill or eat animals; and so they weren't afraid of people. Well, during Lent, the Church encourages us to think about living as though we were in Eden, at least as far as animals are concerned. I like eating meat, but I admit that if I have a hamburger, someone kills a cow. In fact my eldest son has been a vegetarian for years because of this, and he's perfectly healthy eating veggies. I admire that, even if I don't follow his example.

Tell me please, what's a generation? Like a father and son? Yes, from father to son is one generation. From grandmother to granddaughter is how many? Two!  Yes. Well, it's 10 generations from Adam to Noah, and 10 more from Noah to the person we're going to learn about next: Abraham.

continued in the next post, "Laughter"



Smarter Than God

This article has been linked to Sunday Snippets

Condensed from this year's 2nd class:

Let's see, what book in the Bible are we learning about? Genesis! Yes, we're up to the end of Chapter 2 and Adam & Eve are in Eden. Somebody tell me about life in Eden. Nothing was bad! Yes. Could Adam & Eve get sick? No. Get zits? No. Get hit by lightning? No! Die? No! Right. In fact, life was so good in Eden that Adam & Eve hung out with God in a physical way, not just spiritual...does God the Father have a body? No. Right. But listen: "...they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day"...so, even though God didn't have a body, he was still with them sort of like the way we're together now. He wasn't far-off in Heaven, but right there.

[I pull out a rubber ball] What's this? A ball. Yes... watch this. I throw it down, it bounces up. I throw it up, it bounces down. OK, watch closely this time, it's gonna decide not to bounce down...nope, it came down. Let's try again, I'll decide for the ball not to come down...huh, it came down again! Why does the ball always come back down? Gravity! Yes, the Law of Gravity. Can we decide not to obey the Law of Gravity? Huh? If I jump like so, [jump] can I decide not to come down? No! Right. It's a physical law, I can't decide to ignore it. The Laws of Physics are part of God's Creation, and we don't have any choice about observing them. Can someone think of one of God's laws that we can choose to ignore? Yes, tell it. Don't steal? Yes, someone else, another one. Don't kill? Yes. Why can we decide to ignore those moral laws? Because we have free will? Yes, what's that mean to have free will? It means you can be good or bad. Yes, that you can freely decide to be good or bad. If I grab your wrist & swing it to slap someone, are you being bad? No, you are bigger than me. Right, you have to make a free decision to be bad...or good. Hmm...can a bear decide to be good or bad? Ha, no! Right. Bears and other creatures aren't made in God's image & likeness like we are. God loves us so much he allows us to choose between good and evil on our own. He doesn't force us to be good, doesn't treat us like babies.

Speaking of babies, what was the first commandment to Adam & Eve? Have babies! Yes, be fruitful and multiply. And the second commandment? Don't eat the fruit! Yes. Let's look at that now. Chapter 3 of Genesis says, "Now the serpent was more clever than any other creature... He said to the woman, "Did God say, 'You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?" And the woman said, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees; but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, neither shall you touch it, or you'll die." But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die. God knows that when you eat of it you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Tell me, who's the snake? The devil. Yes. How is the snake tempting Eve about the fruit? No guesses? Is he saying it's tastier than the rest? No...? OK, listen again,"God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Guesses? That she'd be like God! Yes. And if Eve could be like God, in the sense of being equal to God, would she have to obey him? No, she could do what she wanted to. Yes. Show me hands, who likes to be told by their parents or teachers what they can or can't do? Nobody? Don't feel bad, I don't like it either. Neither did Adam & Eve. We're all proud of ourselves; we're the smartest things Earth, we don't need to be ordered around, right? We don't like to be subject to anyone else's authority. And in Eden there was only one little thing that was forbidden; why wouldn't Adam & Eve leave it alone? Well...they just wanted to see what would happen, they wanted to know for themselves? Yes, they wanted to be as smart as God; smarter, even. When I was kid, I asked my parents, “What’s in that cabinet? That’s the liquor cabinet. What’s liquor? It’s something grownups drink, like whiskey. Can I have some? No it’s for adults, not children.” So what did I most want to taste in the whole world? Liquor! That’s right! Who can tell the story about Pandora's Box? She had a beautiful box that she wasn't supposed to open, but she opened it anyway and bad things came out. Yes, that's a Greek myth, and it makes the same point: people's pride, mostly pride in their intellect, their brains, gets them in trouble. Who's someone who never sinned? Umm, Jesus? Right. And was Jesus proud, or humble? Humble! Yes, perfectly humble. And who is a huge sinner? The devil! Yes, Satan. And if Jesus is humble, then Satan...has a lot of pride? Yes. And that's one reason he knew he could appeal to Eve's pride: "Oh Eeeve, God doesn't want you to know what he knows, you wouldn't have to listen to him anymore...like me."

So Adam & Eve sin was simply to disobey God because of their pride. All their descendants, that includes us, still have this problem with our pride. We like to think we're as smart as God.

After they ate the fruit, "the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God. But God said to him, "Where are you?" Adam said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself." Why did Adam hide? Because he was embarrassed? Yes…but God knows he’s naked, God doesn’t care. Why’d he hide, give me another reason. He felt guilty! Yes, he disobeyed God and he feels guilty, and ashamed. When I was a kid and would get in trouble in school, what did I do when I got home? Go hide in your room! You bet I did!

Then God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent tricked me, and I ate."

I love this. First Adam says, "It ain’t my fault, you gave me Eve, and Eve gave me the fruit." Then Eve says, "It ain’t my fault either, that snake made me do it." See, pride hates to admit guilt, because it’s humbling. It’s easier to say someone else is guilty. Show of hands, who likes to apologize for bad stuff you do? Me neither; but we should whether we like it or not.

So what happens to Adam & Eve? God makes them leave Eden. Yes. God doesn’t get rid of Eden, he…gets rid of Adam & Eve! Right. “He drove out the man; and at the east of the Garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, with a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.” Hey, who knows what a cherub is? They’re like little baby angels. Yes, you see them on Valentine cards, things like that, they’re chubby and silly. But a real cherub is not chubby and silly…what language do you suppose cherub is if I’m reading from Genesis? Umm…Hebrew? Yes, genius! In Hebrew it’s spelled like this: K-E-R-U-B, kerub. Kerub means “near one,” someone who is close to God. When the President goes out in public there are usually some tough guys who stay near him all the time, why’s that? They keep people from bothering him. Yes, what do you call those guys? Bodyguards? Yes. The kerubs, the cherubim, are God’s bodyguards, and they are serious as cancer. Did you know we have two kerubs in our church? We do? Where? Mmm, I’m not telling tonight, but we’ll find out later this year. In the meantime keep your eyes open in church.

So Adam & Eve are out of Eden. Could they get sick? Yes! Get zits? Yes. Get hit by lightning? Yes! Get sucked up by a tornado? Yes! Be a snack for tigers? Eww, yes! Die? Yes! Right. Their sin didn’t just mess up their souls, it messed up Creation. The consequences of sin are almost always bigger than we can imagine. God said, ”cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you… In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Yuck: one sin and even the ground is cursed.

But Adam and Eve still obeyed God’s first commandment, and so…? They had babies! Yes, who? Cain & Abel! Yes, and what was Cain’s job? He was a farmer? Yes, and Abel? He was a shepherd. Yes, good. Genesis says, “Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel brought the firstlings of his flock.” Question: what’s an offering? When they gave something to God? Yes, good. Cain gave God some of his wheat and fruit, I suppose, and Abel gave what? What’s a “firstling of the flock?” Umm, a baby sheep? Yes, what’s a baby sheep? Oh, a lamb. Yes, and the firstlings would be the best ones.

Y’all tell me how a lamb is offered to God…did Abel say, “This firstling lamb is for you, God; now I’m going to make it into lamb chops just for you and then eat them just for you?” Ha, no, he had to kill it but not eat it! And then what, leave it sitting there for buzzards to snack on? Umm, no…he had to burn it? Yes, and Cain did the same with his offering. When people kill lambs & offer them to God what’s the word for that kind of offering? A sacrifice? Yes, good. Did Adam & Eve offer sacrifices in Eden? Umm, no? Right, they did not…why not? Why were they thrown out of Eden? ‘Cause they ate the apple? Yeah...what’s the bigger reason? They sinned! Yes. So where there’s no sin there’s…no sacrifice? Yes, and where there is sin…there’s sacrifice! Yes. What is it about sin that makes people offer sacrifice? OK, if you break your mom’s nicest flower vase, what should you do? Fix it? Yes, what if it’s too busted up to be fixed? Well, I guess buy another one? What if it’s too expensive? Umm, say I’m sorry? Yes. Suppose you didn’t break it in the first place? Then I wouldn’t have to do anything. Right. So what’s the point of sacrifice? Making it up to God? Yes, partly; making up for what? Well, just sinning? Yes. And it’s also a way of saying thank you. Abel is saying, “thank you God for all these sheep, I’m giving the best back to you.”

Back to their offerings: “And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.” Abel offered God his “firstlings,” but Cain probably offered some good fruit, some bad. God could tell that Cain would rather keep the best stuff for himself.

“So Cain was very angry. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is waiting at the door; but you must master it." Why didn’t God look with favor on Cain’s offering as he did Abel’s? Cain didn’t give God his best stuff. Right, and if Cain is upset about it what can he do? Give his best stuff like Abel does. Yes. It’s clear, but Cain wants to keep his best for himself and is angry that Abel isn’t as selfish.

So “Cain said to Abel his brother, "Let us go out to the field." And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him.” What had Abel done to Cain to deserve being killed? He didn’t do anything to Cain. So why did he kill Abel? Because Abel was so good? Yes. Cain couldn’t stand being made aware of his own selfishness by constantly comparing himself to Abel. It’s the same in school: slackers and misbehavers can’t stand a good student.

This is the first time in the Bible, but not the only time by any means, that an innocent person is killed just because sinful people can’t stand to have him around. We’ll learn about those other people later this year.

After Cain killed Abel, Cain was driven away. But Adam had other sons and daughters, who knows of one? Seth! Yes. Seth fathered Enosh, who fathered Kenan, and so on. In each case, the Bible says “and he died.” One man in that line of fathers & sons was named Enoch. About Enoch, the Bible doesn’t say “and he died.” Instead it says, “Enoch walked with God; and he was not here, for God took him.” What would that mean, “Enoch walked with God; and he was not here, for God took him?” That God took him straight to Heaven? Yes, more or less. Remember, Jesus hadn’t opened Heaven yet. But Enoch still 'walked with God' in some special way. And Enoch isn’t the only person that went to be with God without dying, as we’ll learn about later on.

By the way, Enoch was Methuselah’s father; who was Methuselah? He lived the longest! Yes, the Bible says he lived longer than anyone. What’s more interesting about Methuselah is that he was Noah’s grandfather. We’ll discuss Noah next week. And that brings us to the end of Chapter 5.

Class over!

P.S. That's a self-portrait of Maurice Quentin de la Tour, whom I regard as the Artist of the Enlightenment. I saw this image a single time more than 30 years ago, and recalled it again today for its trenchant portrayal of humanity's pride in its own abilities.

Plus de Review

We review at the beginning of most classes, not more than 5 minutes. When reviewing, I always add some new information onto the reviewed material. Every little new tendril will reach out toward something else that will crop up later on.

For example, last week we covered some Bible basics and the first two chapters of Genesis:

"Hey y'all, let's review a bit of what we learned last week: what are the two parts of the Bible? The Old Testament and the New Testament. Yes, what's the difference? The Old Testament was before Jesus was born. [new stuff] Yes...we might say Before Christ, B.C. What's B.C? It's how we make dates before Jesus. Yes, and after B.C? Ummm, A.D.? What's that mean? No guesses? It means Anno Domini; it's Latin for "Year of (our) Lord." So the O.T. corresponds to...B.C., yes, and the N.T. to A.D., yes, more or less.

[review] And the O.T. was written in what language? Jewish! Not quite...Hebrew! That's it.  And the N.T.? Latin! No...? Greek! Yes, Greek. [new stuff] By the way, what's the language of the Church? Latin? Yes, there you go. All the unusual words you'll see this year are going to be Hebrew, Greek, or Latin. Sometimes you can guess the language by what I'm reading from.

[review] Somebody tell me about Adam's rib. He misses his rib and wants her back! That's right! [new stuff] How many ribs did God take from Adam? One. Yes...so how many wives should Adam have...three? Ha, no, one! Yes. God didn't take a bunch of ribs for Adam to have a wife posse, just one rib. Now all of us men, and boys, who are future men, inherited that sense of missing something. Honorary son, let's say God took your rib and made her out of it, and you over there, your rib became this girl, and my wife came from my rib. Now if you're missing your rib, do you want his rib? Ha, no I want mine! Right. You don't just want any rib...you want your rib. Well that's how my wife is to me, not just a woman that God made, but what? The woman God made for you? Yes, just for me. I don't want another woman any more than I want someone else's rib."

All of these new bits anticipate concepts that the kids will encounter later on.